I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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