Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
