I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
