well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
COCAINE IS GR8
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
