Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
