Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
