If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
