Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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