but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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