We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
