We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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