How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
