Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
