I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
