had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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