2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
