it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
