wat bout pragnant strippers??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
