she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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