True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
