I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
