i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
