So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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