well I can't set my house on fire every night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize