WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
