Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
