i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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