how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
