spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
