I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
