My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
