I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When are your genitals available?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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