this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize