You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
