can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
