I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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