you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
