she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
