Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
