i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
