you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
