no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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