Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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