Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
