her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
