Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
