At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
