...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
