he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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