Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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