I smell stomach acid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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