She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
